A Flower and her Toerag
by BlueSkies13
Summary: What with an upcoming war, imminent danger around every corner and my sister marrying a man who is every bit as vile as his name, I've come to realise that James Potter isn't the worst toerag in the world anymore. He's actually quite sexy and effortlessly charming- but blimey, don't tell him that! What has the world come to? I, Lily Evans, would happily snog James Potter!


**A/N: Hello readers, old and new! Welcome to the first chapter of my new story 'A flower and her Toerag.' This story tells the tale of the exciting, passionate, unexplainable romance of Lily Evans and James Potter. I've been itching to bring these two to life for a very long time. I really hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy writing it.**

Well, this summer was turning out to be a real disaster. I'm talking so awful that I'd almost prefer to be locked in a room with escaped Cornish pixies and given the task of pacifying them. And if I'm speaking truthfully, there wasn't a whole lot of difference between my sister and rogue pixies. Both are equally difficult to pacify. Both are equally vain. And both have severe damage capability. What should have been a great two months spent savouring my last taste of true freedom, before I started my last year of Hogwarts and was officially 'grown up', was compromised pretty early on by what I call, 'The two greatest evils in my life joining forces to slowly torture and then destroy me.' My mother called it, 'The Engagement', and strangely enough this was the term most people chose to adopt.

My sister was marrying Vermin the Whale.

Hurricane Vermin struck the Evans family on the fourteenth of July, 1975. I had just finished my first week of holidays and was settling back into my home in the muggle world splendidly. I was finished my fourth year of Hogwarts and had achieved the status of top witch in my year. My parents couldn't be prouder, despite the fact they had no idea what that title really entailed. But I have no doubt that if magic wasn't a big, fat secret in their world, they would have sung my praise every Wednesday at bingo. I suppose it must have been hard for them, having a child that was always surrounded by secrecy and uncertainty. Almost as hard as it was for me, being ridiculously funny and no one understanding my jokes. That Friday was hot and bright, a truly magnificent summer's day in Cokeworth. That is, if anything in the town could ever be considered 'magnificent'. Dad and I were working in the garden, planting new flower pots and small shrubs. Bright colours lined the paved walkway leading to our front door. I knelt in the centre of the path as I dug the earth; the soil was dry and crumbled in my fingers. Just as I turned to crack a joke to my father, a huge shadow loomed over me.

The shadow belonged to a man that was not especially tall, but wider than the garden gate. He had to turn sideways to edge his way through the gap and into the garden, and I thought how he resembled a walrus dressed in a suit. Each button of his pink shirt threatened to pop and hit me in the eye as soon as he breathed out. His thick neck and swollen face were bright red and I got the impression it wasn't just due to the heat. He had a thick, blonde moustache that bristled greatly as he heaved breath. Not our usual postman.

While I was staring at this stranger, a high pitched voice cleared their throat behind him. Petunia, skinny and blonde, stepped around the man and addressed dad. 'Dad, this is Vernon Dursley, the friend I mentioned earlier?'

Dad blinked several times, clearly just as startled by this person as I was. He then adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose and stood up, offering his hand to Vernon. My dad was nothing if not a perfect gentleman with a friendly disposition. 'Charlie Evans, nice to meet you,' dad said happily. Vernon eyed the green patches on the knees of his jeans.

I feel I should say, I didn't hate Vernon Dursley the first time I saw him. I didn't pledge my undying distaste for him the moment I laid eyes on him. That happened about fifteen minutes later. Vernon Dursley was an uptight, snobby man, who didn't fake laughter when dad told a joke, criticised my mother's interior design, and openly ignored my existence. He threw his massive backside into dad's armchair in the sitting room, and looked at the curtains disdainfully.

'Yellow? How economic looking,' he sneered.

Mum raised her eyebrows. 'Pardon?'

'It's refreshing to find a middle-class family who accept their place in the social hierarchy and don't try to impress with rich colour plans. Really, I just don't think you're a coffee-and-cream family, and it's nice that you know it.' Vernon nodded in satisfaction while mum ground her teeth together. He turned his eyes on me. 'Oh, home from that institution for the summer are you? I didn't know it what the kind of place that gave holidays.'

I tried to smile but feared it came off as more of a grimace. 'It's not an institution, it's a school, and I finished last week,' I said tightly, fearing what kind of nonsense Petunia had told him about where I spent nine months of the year. Apparently she had sprouted off a lot of ridiculous things because she shot me a terse, warning look. Vernon didn't speak to me again.

'Not a coffee and cream family, well I never!' mum grumbled angrily as she filled the kettle in the kitchen. Vernon was in the sitting room with dad, who was forced to adapt to the couch, which he always complained was too low down. Vernon was telling dad about his job in a construction company in Surrey. Right now he was the office assistant, but soon he would have his own cubicle! I scoffed as I sliced a fruit cake and laid it on a delicate while platter adorned with red poppies. After the middle-class comment, mum had dusted off our prettiest china set for tea. Vernon had really rubbed her the wrong way. She wasn't quite as good at faking politeness as dad. I carried the tray carefully into the living room and set it down on the coffee table. Considering Vernon's size, I expected he would dive at the plate of cake. But he just sniffed in the plate's direction and wrinkled his nose as if there was an unpleasant smell. Petunia remained perched on the arm of his chair throughout the entire afternoon, her face a mixture of nerves and uneasiness. I sat beside dad, confused as to why my sister had deemed someone so utterly boring and ignorant important enough to bring round for tea. When they left, the commentary began.

'Well he was nice- '

I snorted as I washed a teacup. 'He was brutish, to say the least.'

Dad grinned impishly. 'St whoever obviously didn't teach very good manners at that school he kept harping on about.'

'And that moustache- did you see his tea got stuck to the hair?' mum laughed. 'Let's hope that's one friend Petunia won't be inviting around again for a while!'

At that moment Petunia slammed the front door and stormed into the kitchen. 'Well I'm very sorry but you will be seeing Vernon again because he is my boyfriend and I love him and you lot never want me to be happy!' she cried before running up the stairs and banging her bedroom door. Mum followed her quickly, apologising on her way and dad blushed guiltily. 'Well bugger, we've already decided we don't like him, haven't we?'

I sighed. 'This will be difficult.'

Oh, and difficult it was. It was two years since Vernon had first entered our home and insulted our décor. Now, on their anniversary, Vernon once again claimed dad's favourite armchair and Petunia stood beside him, her bony hand resting on his massive shoulder. She was in her prettiest yellow blouse and crisp ivory skirt, falling just past the knee, of course. Petunia would never be so common as to reveal her knees. She coughed slightly and opened her mouth.

'Right, well I'm glad we've come when you're all together,' she began, not looking the least bit glad. She sent me an irritated look which I hardly noticed. My sister's resentment for me had lost most of its effect.

'Well we do live here Petunia, so us being here isn't all that uncommon,' I said obviously.

She looked at me scornfully and ignored my comment. 'We have some news to share.'

Dad was tapping his foot anxiously and flicking his eyes from the clock on the wall to his golf clubs by the front door. His mate Richard would be here any minute. 'Do just hurry and tell us you're not pregnant, will you sweetheart?' he muttered. I swallowed a snort, just because of mum's scary warning look.

Petunia opened and closed her mouth twice. The third time, a different voice spoke. 'Petunia and I are getting married,' Vernon announced grandly.

My mouth dropped open. They're what?

'Really?' mum's voice broke. She cleared her throat quickly and, after a look at dad, rushed over to hug Petunia. 'That's lovely news, dear,' she assured her. Dad was sitting back in his chair, eyebrows raised. He looked back and forth between Petunia and her boyfriend…fiancé.

'I don't remember him asking,' he mumbled so quietly no one else heard him, sounding genuinely confused. My father was someone who embraced change and always kept an open mind. But he always appreciated tradition and classic gentlemanly conduct; something which Vernon had completely glazed over in not asking my father's permission before he proposed. My heart swelled with sympathy for my poor old dad who was clearly very lost in the recent turn of events. Finally, after a dark, ' _Charlie,'_ he joined my mother in shaking Vernon's hand and congratulating the couple. Then, as if simultaneously remembering I was there, everyone turned to look at me. I realised I hadn't spoken yet.

'Lily isn't this wonderful?' mum prompted.

'Oh, erm.' _No? How on earth could this be wonderful, MOTHER? My sister was promising the rest of her life to this ignoramus who hadn't one ounce of likeability!_ 'Ya, it's fantastic,' I mumbled guiltily, looking at my shoes. 'I'm so pleased.'

'Let's go out for dinner to celebrate! I'll make reservations for eight o' clock in the Cherrywood Hotel,' mum said brightly.

'Sounds splendid,' Vernon agreed. I could read the look in his eyes. _They better be paying._

After saying goodbye to Petunia and her pet, who were off to break the news to his parents, I trudged up the stairs to my room. Petunia, betrothed at twenty? A catastrophe. I could only hope the engagement would be a long one. Perhaps long enough to meet the man of her dreams and realise what a mistake she was making!

!

' _This Christmas?!'_ I spluttered. Water sploshed out of my glass and wet the front of my shirt. I tried to compose myself while dabbing it with a napkin.

'Yes, we both want a Winter Wonderland themed wedding,' Petunia said coolly.

'And surely you can have one when you're old enough to drink champagne in every country?' I asked disbelievingly. Dad opened his mouth to voice his agreement but mum cut him off.

'We would just be concerned that it's not enough time, darling,' she said persuasively. 'Surely you can see the difficulty in bringing a wedding together in less than six months?'

'If there's one thing I've learned, it's that money talks,' Vernon boomed. He popped a piece of steak (the git ordered the most expensive thing on the menu once he found out dad was the one signing checks tonight) in his mouth before continuing. 'And I've got plenty of vocabulary where that conversation is concerned.' Ha bloody ha. Toerag.

'Don't worry mum, we're looking at wedding planners and Karen and Jude, as bridesmaids, will be taking care of all the minor details and the hen party-'

'What about your sister?' dad asked with a raised eyebrow. 'I hope there'll be enough for her to do too.'

'I don't need more than two bridesmaids,' Petunia said stiffly, stabbing at her salad.

'Petunia, I'm surprised at you. Of course you have to include your sister in the wedding,' mum said firmly.

'It's fine mum, I really don't-'

'I don't know what it is with you girls but some day you'll realise that you're the best friend each other has. This is a very important event and you should be there for each other!' Oh great, dad's no-nonsense voice had come out to play. Mum nodded fervently and patted dad's arm. 'Well said Charlie.'

Petunia looked at me with a meaningful intensity. I could read all the things she wanted to say in her eyes. I could never be trusted to act like a normal person around her perfectly ordinary friends. I was different. I was a freak. And that was something she couldn't risk getting out. I swallowed.

'You know mum, I'm going to be so busy the next few weeks, what with my last year of school coming. I've loads of work to do, I'm afraid I'd be a really rubbish bridesmaid. Petunia's right,' I said meekly. I tried to conceal my disappointment. This was another sign of the disrepair my relationship with my sister had fallen into.

Mum sighed but let it go. 'So when is this hen party?'

'Around Halloween I should think, I don't want to give too much away in front of Verney,' Petunia cooed. I reminded myself not to gag.

Mum frowned. 'But Lily won't be able to get away from her studies then Petunia. And she can't miss it! You'll have to have it before she backs to school!'

Petunia pressed her lips together into a thin line. 'Right well I'll just have to start making arrangements then, won't I?' she said tightly, sawing her tomato in half violently. Mum started chirping away about bridesmaid dresses, very happy with herself, and dad attempted to discuss sporting news with Vernon, and I sat there struggling to come to terms with the fact that we had adopted a whale.

 _Dear Amy,_

 _Disaster has struck. This is a code red, a 10 on the Richter scale, a big bloody mess! Remember Petunia's ghastly, insufferable fiend of a boyfriend? Well, he's now her fiend of a FIANCE. And the wedding is in December. And the Hen party is in two weeks. Fancy a weekend away in London, all paid for by the Vermin? You simply MUST come and save me from Petunia's entourage._

 _If you in any way care about me as my best friend, you'll put me out of my misery soon._

 _Lily_

 _P.S I cannot believe Black said that in front of your dad! I'd have AvadaKedavra'ed him right there for all of the Leaky Cauldron to see!_

 **A/N: So that's the first chapter! Would you like to meet my fantasy's version of a perfect man in the next chapter? Because I'd love to share James with all of you *wink wink***

 **I am so eager to hear what you thought so please leave a review, favourite, subscribe!**


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